The sorting hat is stolen. And I'm the theif.

I always wanted it. Ever since I saw it, I had this desperate urge to know more about myself. And eventually, my curiosity got the better of me and then the following happened.

"Tell me which house do I belong to." The boy demanded.
"But you're a Muggle, how can you belong to any of the magical houses?!" said the hat in a surprisingly curious manner.
The boy settles the hat firmly on his head, determined to get an answer.
Unlike countless of his friends, He never really desired to be a part of Gryffindor. That was too mainstream, he was never a fan of clichés.
He wanted to be in Slytherin. But he unquestionably didn't want the hat to alter its judgment because of his inclination. So he attempted to not think about the house he wanted to be in the most.
Immediately dismissing his thoughts, he directed his attention on the moving hat, which gave the impression that it was about to execute a significant statement.

"So... let me get this straight. You took the risk of stealing me just to know whether you belong to any magical house or not?!" said the hat in a surprising tone at the same time making sure the boy recognizes his own stupidity.

"Not whether. Which" corrected the boy.

"You're adamant about it?" questioned the hat again.

"Confident" the boy corrected again.

"Then I'll have a look. But you have to assure me, even if you don't get your desired response. You'll retire me to my place. i.e. the headmaster's office. Which I still can't comprehend how you were able to enter in the first place." said the hat amusingly.

"Just tell me already, will ya." snapped the boy.

The hat tilted here and there. Looked in the boy's eyes. Moved between his ears, made a deep thinking gesture. The boy thought the hat was testing his patience. But he knew better. Don't think anything, it can read what you think. The boy thought that too.
"Interesting!" exclaimed the hat.

"What?" said the boy, "did you come to a decision already?! ok, forget what I was thinking, just tell me which house would be best for me." This time clearly showing his emotions and eagerness to know the long pending result. With each passing second, he was getting more and more impatient. But, he waited for the hat to speak and declare the result which he had already declared in his mind.

"That's the interesting part. I have never been put on by a muggle and let me tell you, boy, they call me one ancient hat." said the hat, still contemplating something.

"So what! this is your first time sorting a muggle. Big deal!" snapped the boy.

"Nothing" said the hat.

"what nothing?" asked the boy.

"I see nothing. I mean this is new for me. I always see a spark. An inclination. Potential. Good greif, I can't even read your thoughts. I guess we learn something new every day no matter how archaic one may be." chuckled the hat.

"But how can that be possible?" the boy asked cryingly.

"I guess the muggles just don't have it when it comes to any sort of wizardry you know. Hence we call them muggles. Now that I think of it, muggles do sound like a bunch of people lacking magical abilities." chuckled the hat again while looking at the angry red face of the young boy, quickly realizing his mistake.

"Well, there's nothing to be disheartened, my boy. As I'm sure even some of the muggles might be destined to do more than ordinary things." said the hat — while trying to recover from his previous mistake.

"You're one old-useless hat." said the boy with teary eyes and angry face.

"Old, sure. But useless? I guess one has to be a wizard or a witch to know my usefulness. Not my mistake if the muggles are nothing but ordinary, non-magical living beings." said the hat.

"I may be a muggle but I'm not ordinary." screamed the boy. His angry face was now pulping red. "If you can't even do the least I have asked, then you're good for nothing."

"Very well then, I shall return to my old place and prove my usefulness to those that are worthy of it." said the hat in a resenting tone finally getting tired of the boy's constant ranting.

As soon as those words fall on his ears, the boy became more furious. A feeling of rage crept in him and in a snap, he shredded the hat apart. And then split the already shredded parts. Started stampeding on the old-crumbled pieces of the once renowned sorting hat of the wizarding world — responsible with the task of assigning the new wizards and witches with one of the four famous houses of Hogwarts. The hat lay there — or whatever the pieces of it were remaining — like a lifeless object as if, it belonged to the non-magic world.

The boy was crying and looking at the destruction he had caused, slowly grasping the magnitude of his misdone. Wiping the stream of tear from his face, he started running. There wasn't anyone who had witnessed his actions. If he gets caught by a wizard, he couldn't be sure of his fate. They might not understand the fitting rage which made him do the crime (Well it must be some sort of crime in the magic world to destroy an old magical hat which was tasked with sorting new age wizards and witches according to their traits, no matter how absurd it appears to muggle ears)

He fled the scene. Running as fast he could. Still unable to believe what he had done. All he wanted was to know which magical house he belonged to. 'If he had belonged to any in the first place' this time correcting his own thoughts. Within a few moments, he was out sight from anyone who could have linked him to the horror he had been a part of.

The hat — or whatever the part was left of it — was lying there on the floor. Unmoved, more crumbled than before. lifeless just like any ordinary hat. But that is what it wasn't, 'an ordinary hat'. The shredded pieces quivered as uncovered children do in the snowy-cold nights. All pieces glinting a luminous spark, moving together in a fashion that hinted they were still connected. They moved closer and with a dazzling flash of light, there stood the hat again, in its entirety. Though more crumbled and rugged than before. Scattering the dry dirt from itself which it had gathered from the boy's shoes. The hat in a relieved yet disgruntled tone muttered "Muggles! never really liked them. And that little bugger. If he had any shred of magic in him, I would have declared him a Slytherin without a blink."